The art of conversation - A brief synopsis
The art of conversation is often mocked and underrated by those that don’t hold the skill and quickly dismissed by some of those that do. But there is an art to the process that can only be developed and improved by practice.
That said, there are those that come naturally to conversation and those that have to try quite hard to develop and hold rewarding and valuable conversation. I talk about conversation being valuable, because is can be, good conversation can lead to organic growth of clients and/or lead to new clients.
But conversation is not just about clients, winning or losing them, it’s about the overall development of us, as a species. With discourse we resolve issues, fix relationships, solve problems and develop solutions.
This can be at work, in your homes or passing people in the street, conversation can fix issues after a bad meal in a restaurant or reassure a member of staff. The art of conversation is a far reaching and valuable tool.
There’s lots of talk of engagement on this blog and many others in similar fields and this is at the heart of good conversation. Engagement means holding your co-conversationalist’s imagination or attention while you express your concerns or ideas, with them listening.
Getting people to listen, is a very important part of the conversational art, there’s no point talking if no ones listening. How do you get them to listen? Well that’s tricky bit, you need to find your interface, your common ground, I’ve talked about this in my benefits of soft skills post previously. Often this is best approached through authenticity, be honest and you will generally find this encourages trust.
It must not be forgotten that listening is a two-way street though and part of your active conversational skills must be ensuring you listen back, take on board your other party’s points and opinions and form your response accordingly.
As well as listening, your tone and pace are indicative of the way you are forming a conversation and taking on board the new parts to the equation as the conversation develops. For example, talking too fast can often indicate that you’ve made your mind up on a matter already.
All conversation needs to be shaped to circumstance of course, and the hallmark of a really good conversationalist is the ability to adapt your conversation for each circumstance. Removing or adding content, changing formality, altering social focus can be the key to striking good engagement through conversation.
Conversation can be managed in different ways depending on how it is conducted, either way it’s performed though you should set out your objectives and aim to cover these subjects during the duration. We are obviously not talking about spur of the moment, social conversation here, but specific conversations with objectives.
On the telephone I often write a list of matters I want to cover, ticking them off as I talk, perhaps taking notes or writing new subjects to discuss as the conversation develops. Open with a conversation breaker rather than diving straight into the depths of the detail, then work your way through your subject matter slowly.
Face to face generally you can’t do this, although if your conversation is to be conducted in more formal circumstances, such as in a meeting room, this may be possible. If not, you need to think about posture and eye contact, but again gauging this, like your conversation, to the circumstances.
There are many things to consider when developing the art of good conversation, some I’ve covered here and many that I haven’t. I am sure I will come back to talk again about the subject.
If you think you are good at conversation then use the skill to your benefit, it’s not a skill everyone has. However, if you truly are good at conversation you won’t need me to tell us this, you will have already told most people that know you.
Further Reading:
Mary Cullen on David Henderson's Blog - http://www.davidhenderson.com/2009/01/31/bring-authenticity-and-audience-perception-to-social-media/
That said, there are those that come naturally to conversation and those that have to try quite hard to develop and hold rewarding and valuable conversation. I talk about conversation being valuable, because is can be, good conversation can lead to organic growth of clients and/or lead to new clients.
But conversation is not just about clients, winning or losing them, it’s about the overall development of us, as a species. With discourse we resolve issues, fix relationships, solve problems and develop solutions.
This can be at work, in your homes or passing people in the street, conversation can fix issues after a bad meal in a restaurant or reassure a member of staff. The art of conversation is a far reaching and valuable tool.
There’s lots of talk of engagement on this blog and many others in similar fields and this is at the heart of good conversation. Engagement means holding your co-conversationalist’s imagination or attention while you express your concerns or ideas, with them listening.
Getting people to listen, is a very important part of the conversational art, there’s no point talking if no ones listening. How do you get them to listen? Well that’s tricky bit, you need to find your interface, your common ground, I’ve talked about this in my benefits of soft skills post previously. Often this is best approached through authenticity, be honest and you will generally find this encourages trust.
It must not be forgotten that listening is a two-way street though and part of your active conversational skills must be ensuring you listen back, take on board your other party’s points and opinions and form your response accordingly.
As well as listening, your tone and pace are indicative of the way you are forming a conversation and taking on board the new parts to the equation as the conversation develops. For example, talking too fast can often indicate that you’ve made your mind up on a matter already.
All conversation needs to be shaped to circumstance of course, and the hallmark of a really good conversationalist is the ability to adapt your conversation for each circumstance. Removing or adding content, changing formality, altering social focus can be the key to striking good engagement through conversation.
Conversation can be managed in different ways depending on how it is conducted, either way it’s performed though you should set out your objectives and aim to cover these subjects during the duration. We are obviously not talking about spur of the moment, social conversation here, but specific conversations with objectives.
On the telephone I often write a list of matters I want to cover, ticking them off as I talk, perhaps taking notes or writing new subjects to discuss as the conversation develops. Open with a conversation breaker rather than diving straight into the depths of the detail, then work your way through your subject matter slowly.
Face to face generally you can’t do this, although if your conversation is to be conducted in more formal circumstances, such as in a meeting room, this may be possible. If not, you need to think about posture and eye contact, but again gauging this, like your conversation, to the circumstances.
There are many things to consider when developing the art of good conversation, some I’ve covered here and many that I haven’t. I am sure I will come back to talk again about the subject.
If you think you are good at conversation then use the skill to your benefit, it’s not a skill everyone has. However, if you truly are good at conversation you won’t need me to tell us this, you will have already told most people that know you.
Further Reading:
Mary Cullen on David Henderson's Blog - http://www.davidhenderson.com/2009/01/31/bring-authenticity-and-audience-perception-to-social-media/
Labels: conversation, soft skills
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posted by Ed Richardson at
11:38
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